Dear We Are Teachers,
In an effort to illustrate how uncomfortable our holiday party is every year, let me just describe a few very real situations that have unfolded. 1) Our culinary teacher dressing as Santa and aggressively trying to convince teachers (especially young female teachers) to sit on his lap. 2) Our assistant principal getting so drunk she fell into the Christmas tree and had to go to urgent care for the glass ornaments embedded in her skin. 3) The same assistant principal getting so drunk she cornered me one year and cried about her divorce for 2 hours (we barely know each other). I’m always very uncomfortable at this party. How can I suggest we tone it down without sounding like a total party pooper?
—Probably a Party Pooper
Dear P.A.P.P.,
OK. This all pretty cringe, but let me separate those situations into what I think are two different issues.
Situation #1 with your culinary teacher: That’s a Title IX violation. Doesn’t matter if it occurs off-campus. Gross and needs to be reported ASAP.
Situations 2 and 3 are a different breed to me. Yes, a bit over-the-top for a holiday party. But not, like, predatory.
I think it falls more on your principal to rein in the shenanigans at your school’s holiday party. But I also think it’s totally fair for you to be honest with your principal that you feel uncomfortable attending. I’m thinking, too, of teachers in recovery for addiction who would definitely feel unwelcome in that kind of environment.
Maybe suggest that the party starts after school with a tame, on-campus event, and whoever wants to let loose later in the night can go to the other party. Bonus points if you offer to organize it! Here are some ideas to get you started.
Dear We Are Teachers,
I teach 7th grade at a K-8 school where my son attends 1st grade. He has a classmate who, over the course of the semester, has gotten increasingly and more frequently violent in his outbursts. The teacher has to clear the room about once a week while the student has a meltdown. So far, I haven’t said anything, but yesterday the student twisted my child’s arm while having an episode. My child isn’t hurt, but he came home scared and upset that he feels like this student’s target. How should I talk to my principal—also my boss—without being a Karent (a Karen parent)?
—Stuck in the Middle
Dear S.I.T.M.,
Ha, Karent! That portmanteau is new to me. But no, you’re not a Karen. Complaining that a teacher won’t apply sunscreen to your child is very different than being concerned about classroom safety that sounds like it’s only getting worse.
First, talk to the teacher to make sure you understand the facts of what happened. Then, send this email.
“Hi [principal name], [Child] informed me on [date] that, while in an escalated state, another student twisted [child’s] arm. [Child] is not injured. However, I understand that incidents with this student are becoming both more frequent and more violent. I know you join me in prioritizing classroom safety. Can you please let me know the plan to address and curb these incidents? [Child] is worried this will happen again, and it would help if I could share the plan to keep him safe.”
Keep a paper trail of these emails. If your principal calls you in to chat in person, write up notes and email them for verification. “Thanks for chatting with me in your office today. Here are some notes I took. Does this all sound accurate? Just want to make sure I have the right info.”
There’s no way you’re the only parent concerned about this. If nothing gets better, start strategizing with other parents and move up the chain of command. Not just for the well-being of your child, but for the well-being of the other student who clearly needs more behavioral support than they are getting.
Dear We Are Teachers,
I’ve had the best student teacher of all time this semester and want to get her a parting gift. Honestly, she deserves a new car, but that’s outside of my budget. In fact, a lot of things are outside of my budget. Do you have some thoughtful gift ideas for her that will show my appreciation without breaking the bank?
—Not Ready To Say Goodbye
Dear N.R.T.S.G.,
Aww. We love a great student teacher!
My top recommendation: Make her a happy binder. First, get a binder and put a ton of sleeve protectors in it. Then, make a pretty cover and label for the spine in Canva with the text “[Teacher Name’s] Happy Binder.” Finally, put a heartfelt letter at the front of the binder thanking her for her time with you and instructing her to keep letters from students and parents in this binder. You can also start it off with a letter from each of your students if you really want to make her weep!
We also have these gift ideas for teachers that fit a range of budgets.
Do you have a burning question? Email us at askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear We Are Teachers,
I teach 6th grade, and every year we all dread the week of final exams before we let out for winter break. Our administration is very strict about what we can and cannot use as final exam grades (e.g., the final exam can’t be a creative project, can’t be an essay, etc.). Also, it’s required for the final exam to count for 15% of the child’s grade, which is a lot! As a result, students are stressed, parents are stressed, we’re stressed—what’s the best way to convince our principal this year that we need more flexibility?
—It’s the Most Miserable Week of the Year
